Parenting Success

Tonight was a bit of a rough one.

Imagine both kids crying in their rooms over mistakes made and dealt with today.

Imagine one of those kids telling me he figures he must be pretty close to the end of his second chances with Jesus.

Imagine the other telling me she doesn’t know if she can find peace to sleep because she’s so mad at herself.

Imagine me trying to speak grace into the turmoil, teaching truth, extending forgiveness, wrapping love, singing peace.

Imagine my momma heart crying right along with them.

Growing up can be so hard. I remember learning these lessons as a kid, but I didn’t realize how hard it would be to be the parent.

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I did have a bit of a success moment yesterday though. Let’s dwell on that, shall we?

I was at the grocery store with Mykah and heard this gem pop out of her mouth….

“Mom, what’s a pop-tart?”

Success, ladies and gentlemen, there you have it…that my kids will know grace, love and forgiveness but not pop-tarts.

Flawed

I have been so excited to start the new Bible Study at Kingsview with the 50+ ladies that have signed up.

Yes, I said 50+.

Is that even possible for a church our size?

Anyway, I’ve been so humbled and excited that so many women are ready to start creaking open parts of their Bibles that they may not have even known were in there. We are going to be studying the book of Daniel which is a bit intimidating and scary, in my opinion. I am so glad that Beth Moore will be teaching the material and that I don’t have to have all the answers. I am ready to learn.

The video we watched on opening night last night (ok, in all honesty, I got to watch only 10 minutes of this video, but more on that in a minute.), had Beth saying that if we do this study and put the thought and effort and time in to really ingest the material, we are guaranteed to be smarter by the end of the course.

Well, I need to be smarter., that’s for sure.

(Wait, is it “smarter”? Or “More smart”? Or “Less dumb”?….See, I NEED this.)

Here’s just the latest in why I KNOW that I need to be smarter:

I ordered 43 members and picked them up on January 19th.  (I have since then also placed a second book order because I can do the math…43 books will not work for 50+ ladies!)

So these books have been in the box (that I was given when I picked them up) in the office since then, just crying out for the ladies to come and get them and get smarter.

Only last night did I realize that the crying from the box has not been, “Oh, ladies, we can’t wait to come out of this box and enrich your life!”

The crying, had I listened, was actually, “Hey, Carrie, how can you possibly think that there are 43 big member books in this box!? Perhaps you should COUNT us.”

Oh, yes, at 6:40 last night I realize that I was only given 23 of my books.

Can anyone sympathize with me? Just for a second?

You should see these women that I have to face in the other room…chomping at the bit to start this Bible study, throwing their $20’s at me, snatching books from the table…and now there are 20 less books to snatch.

And, here’s the real problem. Even though I called the store where I had ordered the books and they found my other box in the backroom, I was already over the edge.

I don’t think I handled it very well.

I was snippy and stressy and short with all the lovely ladies who were re-assuring me that it would all be ok.

I didn’t start the night on time.

I messed up the announcements. (Um, yeah, I talked all about the FOOD for the upcoming retreat I want the ladies to attend, without really talking about the conference itself.)

I did not create a very welcoming atmosphere.

Then I also couldn’t get the DVD player/projector working, which didn’t help the whole “I-feel-like-I-am-having-an-anxiety-overload.”

The good news is that I finally did get the video going, drove to Burlington to claim my long-lost, though just-recently-noticed-their-MIA-status, books and returned to the church in time to make sure all 20 were handed out so the ladies could begin their homework this week.

I am such a mess. So terribly flawed. So obviously in need in grace.

Thank you, Jesus, that you are making me more smarter/less dumb all the time.

But I just have to ask, does it have to be so PUBLIC all the time!?

But I get it. I do.

THIS, all of this amazing-ness that is happening at our church, is SO not about me.

Thank you for choosing to let me lead. I am so unworthy. So humbled. So in need.