National Security

After 15 years of crossing back and forth between the Canada and US border, you would think I would have this down by now.

And, really, I’ve come a long way since my “I’m in the process of becoming a landed immigrant in Canada” days, which were quite nerve-wracking as I always feared I would be denied entry back into Canada and forced to be separated from my husband indefinitely. (Which might be a good made-for-tv-movie, but not exactly the life I had been hoping for.)

I’ve been asked lots and lots of questions by border officials over the years, and on some occasions, I’ve been asked absolutely no questions at all, which is perhaps a bit frightening when you think about it.

In March, my husband realized he had been traveling back and forth across the border on an expired passport for close to a year, with NOT ONE comment from any of the dozen or so customs officials that he had contact with during that time frame.

Then this week I crossed the border for some grocery shopping without the kids and this is what happened to me…

I pull up to the booth and hand the official my passport. He scrutinizes it and then asks to see some additional ID, because MY HAIR IS DIFFERENT NOW THAN IN MY PASSPORT PHOTO.

I then had to launch into a detailed description of how the bangs in the photo just didn’t work for me and the color was a bit dark too.

OYE-VEY. I ramble when I get nervous.

Yes, it’s true, my hair is a matter of national security, but my husband is allowed to travel freely with an expired passport.

I just thought you should know.

Guilty-Momma-Conscience

I wrote “the kids don’t seem hungry…think they would notice if I don’t make dinner tonight?” as my status update on Facebook yesterday.

Seven of my friends “liked” this, and I wondered if I could blame them for any complaints I did receive from my children.

One of my friends wrote “They wouldn’t notice until bedtime. Then they would be suddenly starving. “, which really is about the truest thing I know about kids and eating.

They want to eat at the most inconvenient times, like at least three times a day. And usually when I have another agenda for that time frame, like a nap. For me.

I did feed them, by the way.

Eggs in a basket and leftover roasted vegetables.

And they ate.

Ok, they ate a FEW bites.

Internally I screamed, “I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU WEREN’T HUNGRY. WHY DID I TAKE THAT SILLY MOTHER OATH TO ALWAYS TRY TO CRAM FOOD INTO YOU LITTLE PEOPLE?”

Externally I said, “Eat your vegetables.” (Ok, truthfully, I had to say this several times.)

Next time, I am SO not bowing to my guilty-momma-conscience.

She is WAY too bossy and I hate the space she takes up in my head.

Next time we are SO having ice cream and chocolate.

Now that’s a dinner we can all agree on.

Moratorium

Moratorium: “a suspension of activity.”

I am not pregnant.
I am not going to be pregnant again. Ever.

(And while I know that miracles do happen, this is not a miracle I am actively seeking! If/when Jeff and I add to our family, we plan on fostering, and we would LOVE your prayers for this new venture.)

You see, on two separate occasions recently I have been asked those dreaded questions that no woman ever wants to hear, unless she is literally about to give birth…

“Are you pregnant?” – asks rather excited woman, pointing to my stomach region

Ummmmm….

“NO.” – says me, trying to stay matter-of-fact about the whole situation

Then I just love the follow-up to question #1…

“Are you sure?”

Ummmmm…..

“Yes, I am very sure.” – says me, wondering why I am now having to defend my lack-of-pregnancy

Because here’s the deal…I have had two babies, who are now 7 and 4.
I love them like I cannot even begin to describe.
They are gifts from God to me.

I am, however, still waiting for my gift of a flat stomach.

One day (read: heaven) I will have a new body, and I know it will be better than this pre-stretched out one that I have to contend with.

Until then, I am thinking of wearing a button that says…
“I’m pudgy, not pregnant. Thanks for not asking.”

For the sake of clarity, I repeat, I am not pregnant, and, yes, I am sure.
Please feel free to spread this news around. Don’t be shy.

Natural Cures

Does anyone else think that there may be people out there coming up with homeopathic cures that are not cures at all, but rather the results of sick, twisted individuals seeking to inflict harm on people who prefer to self-diagnose themselves through googling their symptoms rather than going to see an actual doctor?

I ask, not because I really care about demented people misleading the masses through their internet sites. I ask because I would like to know if putting garlic on ringworm actually works, or if it just serves to make the person with ringworm even more uncomfortable and decidedly more stinky.

 However, considering I sell Pampered Chef, perhaps I should embrace this use of garlic and integrate it into my little speech about the amazing garlic products we have…”When you aren’t using our garlic press/or peeler and slicer/or adjustable microplane grater for adding garlic to your delicious food dishes, I highly recommend you use them for adding garlic into your personal hygiene regimen. Hmmm, on second thought….

For anyone wondering if miracles still happen today…

 Seventh grade or so…Yep, this is me, before I discovered the wonders of orthodontics and hair products.

Hilarious, at least I like them…

These gave me and Katie some good laughs tonight and I just had to share!

Bangs & A laugh or two

Jess posted this to her blog this week and I am totally copying her. I feel OK about this though. For one thing, I recently got full bangs and then the very next time I saw Jess, she also had gotten full bangs, saying to me, “I totally copied you.” The really funny part about this is that neither of our husbands like the bangs.  Dave told her she looks like she is about 8 and Jeff told me they make me look like my mom. I love my mom and so does Jeff, and I do hope to look as good as she does when I am her age.  However, I am not her age yet, so I don’t think it was meant to be a compliment. But I digress.

If you need a good laugh, I heartily suggest you watch this video. If you tend to not find things funny, you might as well just skip this.